i need a hug. i wrote 3 pages of this paper right?..ok fine. then i read it over..its coherent but its so irrelevant and just dumb. its a research paper and it had no business being one.. thats how bad it was going. there was no like umph?..lol whatever it jsut wasnt good.. so at like 11 i was like NO NO NO this isnt gunna work.. sooooo i decided to start anew. GOD WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A GOOD STUDENT. lol well i was just complaining to complain..i took me a long time to write that shittyness and then i had to start new better shittyness.. NOT FUN. and its 1 and i have only a page and a half. how bad is that. i could cry. the paper has to be 8-10 pages. OIIIIIIIII VEYYY

christine just said 'wanna know something?' now im scared. my stomaches in knots and im freezing becuz of nervousness.. and i have to pee! jeezzzzz.. now she isnt answering me.. fuckin bitch

AnGeLqT822:  so heres what i wanna tell u
AnGeLqT822:  MY BABY TAKES THE MORNIN TRAIN...HE WORKS FROM 9 TO 5 N THEN HE TAKES ANOTHER HOME AGAIN TO FIND ME WAITIN FOR HIM

lordy lord.

anyway.. i wanna go to the gap. lol peace out ugly fucks. =) i gots much loooovee fo' ya

so yes, its about time i had a change in my life. i mean a real change. this college business just doesnt cut it. my world just doesnt suffice anymore - being distant and in control isnt what it used to be. the more i try to defend myself and my mental health the more defenseless i become. and i am blamin it all on the fact that i need a complete change.. almost complete enough to be considered a new slate. i need new friends, i need new ideals and beliefs and i def need to just figure me out already. its like ..i can see where i wanna go but i dont know where it is and i dont know how to get there..and its so frustrating. i can feel it all in the middle of my chest just continually swelling up..and i cant run from the feeling and i cant forget about it.. its just there - existing inside me..waiting for me to lose my cool and go insane.

lately i feel like all i want to do is be able to connect with people. like ive never cared before and ive never wanted to care or even tried.. but now i get the sense that i need to and i should have been all along.. and ive missed out on so many experiences and opportunities becuz i shut myself out. besides all that.. i want to be the one with 270 people i consider my best or close friends..friends who care about me just as much as i care about them.. i want to be the type of person who stops acting like their 30 and is a free bird who doesnt care what the hell she does or who she hooks up with.. i really hope that my life could one day be so easy..so normal.. i really hope that i can really find new people to make real connections with.. i really hope that i can find that spark again.. the spark thats in a new friendship or relationship.. where the chemistry is just so perfect you cant believe its real.

thats the change i want.. its the change i want to need.. even if its not truely needed at all. and the biggest change of all is that i want to get what i want.. for once in my life i want things to be special and meaningful.. but i guess thats only for the lucky ones eh?

sorry for being so gay. i just needed to get that incoherent rambling out and this has always been the best place to do it

gosh life is boring. its my summer before college i wanna do it up right. but that aint happening. whatever.

works been great. i love it. i have alot of fun mainly cuz its chill there and its basically me and my friends chillaxing all day. though it seems with each passing week one of my bosses keeps giving me extra responsiblities. its a tad annoying. anna is leaving work, yeah, but why me! nick has been working there the longest besides anna. i think he should take over some of here responsiblity. buttttttt noooooo instead im stuck doing anna's dirty work. garrrr.. but whatever its gravy.

college is coming quickly.. too quickly. im nervous .. im fuckin scared. i dont know what to do with myself. i feel to anti-social to go through it all. ahhhh the stress. ahhh the anxiety.. ahhh death.

everyone is getting ready to leave me tooo. i hate fuckin college. everyone jsut gets up and leaves on ya. damn jerks. billy left first.. i miss him like i dont even know what. anna is second..marff and christine leave around the same time. im going to die with them all gone. all my closest friends. you know guys.. thats fucked up!

anyway. be kind rewind.

ahhhh.. its been a long long while. oh well. havent been up to much. got a job. graduation is soon. bahama trip rapidly approaching. some really really great dreams including bruce springsteen etc. star wars coming soon to a theater near me. yay. injured toe. tanning. ap tests. exhaustion. 7 school days until school is over. 25 days till graduation. 29 until bahamas. may 21 end of FUN.

cant rely on nobodies but me.